Memorized for so long
by xxjonasangelxx
Summary: Songfic. Taylor Swift - I'd Lie. Olicity. Oliver/Felicity. I don't own the song! Doesn't Oliver realised Felicity's had him memoried for so long?


**No copyright infringement intended. I don't own the song nor the lyrics. They're used for entertained use only, if this is an issue please feel free to report it!**

**Hope you enjoy it :) **

_I don't think that passenger seat_

_Has ever looked this good to me_

Riding in Oliver's farrari wasn't something I was used to. Being with Oliver in causal clothes going out for dinner us the two of us was even stranger. He had randomly asked if I wanted to grab a late dinner with him after leaving the club. I had agreed realising I was hungry but sitting here made me realise I loved being here. I loved sitting in this car, by Oliver's side as he spoke to me about anything and everything.

_He tells me about his night_

_And I count the colors in his eyes_

"So did you manage to get the information from the target?" I ask him after a few long moments of silence. He nodded

"Yeah, I did it my 'usual' way" I smirked at him

"What finding the person, putting the fear of god into them until they talk?" Oliver's eyes glanced over at me for a moment before turning back to the road, a hint of amusement in them.

"It's better than doing a little 'flirty flirt'" I giggle as he mocked my precious comment. I realised we were acting like we always do around each other. Happy, honest, open. Oliver too was smiling and the smile reached his eyes this time and I saw the way the colour in his eye brighten to a beautiful hazel green.

He'll never fall in love he swears

As he runs his fingers through his hair

"So maybe your flirting skills just aren't up to scratch. You did have five years of no practice and you know what they say about practice" Oliver sighed, he was brooding again but not about hood related busy but his own personal relationship business.

"You think you'll ever fall in love?" He asked me, wondering if he could see through all the nervous giggles and annoying babble to know I had the biggest crush on him.

"Only if that person can deal with the amount of secrets I have to keep" Oliver once again glanced at me, he looked guilty.

"I'm sorry Felicity. I should have thought about that before I asked you to join the team… I just forget you're a normal women sometimes. You're so remarkable at being my IT girl" I smiled at the comment, he was apologizing for all the reasons that were typically (even if slightly more honest) Oliver. My hope in his ability to not figure me out completely restored because I think I'd die if he actually saw through my feelings and decided I wasn't worth the hassle anymore.

"What about you ever think you'll find 'the one'?" Oliver's face fell into an answer before he spoke the words

"No, Not with the amount of lies and secrets I'll have to keep and even if one day I'm able to hang up the hood I don't think I could be with someone who tries to repair me without knowing all of what I've been through"

_I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong_

_I don't think it ever crossed his mind_

I laughed in that way that meant I completely understood his reasoning but also the fact that I wish he knew I would never try and 'repair' him. All I wanted was to be able to make sure he remembers his humanity.

A silence fell between us again and I realised I probably never ever crossed his mind as a possible romantic partner and that set yet another needle into my battered and bruised heart. I would always be that person who was friend zoned and wondered just how obvious I had to be before he realised I wasn't going to leave him…ever.

_He tells a joke I fake a smile_

_That I know all his favourite songs_

Oliver turned on the radio, the song playing seemed to be chosen specifically for me. It was a song I knew Oliver loved. He wasn't into a lot of modern music due to his lack of being here when they were realised but I've come to realise he loved meaningful rock music, like some Nickleback or Draughty songs. The song currently playing was singing about the guy needing to tell the girl he loves her… now if Only Oliver could see that this is what I'm trying to do.

"I really like this song. Though I never understood why they're making fun of cops" I laughed along with him for a few seconds and once again realised I knew this about him. He'd said it before I was sure, if he hadn't I'm sure I'd heard him say it to someone else. Oliver was something I could never forget, the way his body was build, the way his stubble would get long if he was concentrating on a mission, the way he would call her 'Megan' if trying to come up with a cover story during a case.

_I could tell you his favourite colour's green_

_He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth_

No one but me and Diggle knew his favourite colour was Green. He wore a Green hood, he preferred Green foods too but the thing I noticed most of all was that if I was wearing Green in any way shape or form he would give me a second glance and give the tiniest smile of approval before getting back down to whatever business he was required to do.

His Birthday was now stuck in my mind forever, if not for the massive party he threw but for the mission on that day, but also the tattoo I got in honour of Oliver that day. I had a few tattoo's before I'd met Oliver and the small arrow I got Tattooed to my left hand ring finger was just a way of remembering all the good I had done but also all the good I hoped to do.

When he first saw the tattoo he had blinked several more times than I was expecting him to. Diggle had said it was cool, said that it was kind of like a brand that meant I belonged to this team and even suggested that he might get one. Oliver however had argued with me, he does that. He loves to do that. He'd argued that the police were already aware of my connection to the hood, getting an 'arrow' tattoo would only confirm suspicions.

I had stood my ground, as much as I hate arguing he needed to understand I'd done it for him. To make him aware that I wasn't leaving the team despite the fact I had said I would. Eventually he'd even gotten one of the tattoo's himself, the same place as me and Diggle was getting his as soon as he was able to find a spare time to show up to an appointment.

_His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes_

_And if you asked me if I love him,_

_I'd lie_

Arriving at the restaurant had been a blur. Him taking my arm and leading me to the table had been a blur too, I was too busy starring at the beautiful setting of the restaurant. I'd been so busy remising and taking in the scenery I almost didn't notice that Oliver's sister Thea was calling from a table across the restaurant. It was a Chinese place half way between both our price ranges and it seemed Thea and her boyfriend Roy too enjoyed the restaurant.

Oliver hugged Thea and shook hands, still disapprovingly with Roy. Thea spoke up

"I know you from somewhere don't I?" She asked me and I smiled at her best I could.

"Felicity Smoak. I work at Queen's Consolidated, I also visited Walter at the hospital after his rescue" Thea nodded, remembering who I was.

"Well it's nice to see he brought someone to this dinner who actually means something to him" This dinner? Was this is plan? Bring me as his date so he didn't get into trouble with Thea.

"This Dinner?" I asked and Oliver smiled

"The Dinner Thea has every year to remember the disappearance of my father and me. I said we should still do it for Dad and I was told to bring a date as Mum couldn't make it being in prison and all. Walter was meant to come but he's in Hong Kong and Diggle had to be with Carly so…" I nodded, smiling at him in thanks as I let him pull my chair out for me.

"So I was your only option. Got it" Thea scowled at her brother.

"You're making her feel like your last choice Ollie. It's rude" Thea reached over and grabbed my hand and it was like she saw right through me. Her eyes was asking me what my relationship with Oliver was like and my eyes despite their desperate need to come clean lied to her about just what Oliver meant to me.

_He looks around the room_

_Innocently overlooks the truth_

The waiter came over, obviously knowing Thea and Oliver, treating them like they are family. Thea obviously came here a lot and it was a lovely little restaurant, very homey and family friendly.

"Why this place?" I asked, once the waiter had taken our order. "Why this location to remember your father? Surely there are more… high end places your father visited more?" Thea smiled at the question, obviously happy that someone had taken an interest in her father for reasons other than the family fortune.

"This was his favourite restaurant. He used to say Quality of food isn't about how expensive or hard to cook it is. It's about the love and care that goes into cooking it" I smiled at that, Mr. Queen sounded like a lovely man, if a little lost in his ways. Oliver glanced around the room, miles away remembering many different events that had happened in this restaurant. Some sad, some happy, some harder to read. But this was a part of his memory of his father and that was a beautiful thing.

"Thank you for bring me" I spoke softly to Oliver, wanting nothing more than grab his hand.

"Thank you for agreeing to come, I apologize for the deception. I feared you might not come if you knew why" I smiled softly at him, actually grabbing his hand this time.

"You don't have to take me a restaurant to talk to me Oliver. You can tell me about your days too" He smiled softly at me a brief moment before turning back to Thea and continuing another convosation I wasn't paying attention to.

_Shouldn't a light go on?_

_Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long?_

Sitting in this beautiful restaurant, with the Queen Siblings watching them bicker and Thea and Roy kiss more than once was like being in a dream. You could forget all the calories you were consuming… although my self-control when it comes to such matters is very poor. You could forget that Oliver was the hood, he was just a normal man remembering his father… nothing simpler than that.

Oliver glanced at me with a beautiful smile that seemed to take 10 years of his face. Shouldn't he see how much I care when searches my eyes like this? Shouldn't the 'oh so clever hood' be able to see that I've had every inch of his personality, body and being memorised since we met? Shouldn't he see the way I look at him because the way Thea was looking at me right now meant she could defiantly see it.

_He sees everything black and white_

_Never let nobody see him cry_

_I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine_

Oliver always surprised me how black and white he saw the world. For someone who was practically a living breathing Gray area he sure had a way of making whatever he did or said sound simple, believable and justifiable. Which I was again reminded of as the hood was brought up into the convosation.

"You were arrested for being in connection with the hood?" Thea asked, shocked. The convosation sparking an interest within Roy and Thea. I glanced at Oliver.

"Their practically hunting the hood and you tell them I'm in connect with him, how stupid are you?" Oliver shrugged

"You won't tell me jack, I figured you tell them about the same" I laughed, a little edge to the sound

"Oh so just as long as it's not your secrets we're spilling it's okay?" My anger getting the better of me, the last thing I needed was ulterior motives for Roy and Thea to poke into my private life.

"That's not what I'm saying Felicity I—" I shook my head, cutting him off

"No no, that's not what you mean. That's never what you mean because you always have to be in control. You always have to be right and what if I just wanted to be friends with Thea and Roy did you ever think that maybe I don't need another complication added to my life?" He blinked a few moments. Not long enough for Thea to notice any hesitation but for 'the hood' that was a long pause

"I'm sorry Felicity I just figured it was good convosation. I didn't mean to upset you" He almost looked upset that I might be mad at him and I took a deep sigh

"No I'm sorry, the hood just makes my life very complicated and I can't deal with everyone thinking I'm so blonde bimbo who does whatever he says whenever he says it… I'm more than that" Oliver's hand found mine

"Yes, yes you are and next time you see this hood you remind him that he should treat you a hell of a lot better" I smiled at him, once again having to hide just how much I wanted him.

He stands there then walks away

My god if I could only say

I'm holding every breath for you...

Standing outside the restaurant, Diggle ready to give all four of us a lift to our designated destinations. Roy had bumped into some friends and Thea asked if we could wait, which I was happy to do. The air was cool and the night was freeing.

"Oliver?" A familiar voice called from where we were standing, leaning against his limo, his jacket around my shoulders and the perfect moment was ruined by One Laurel too-good-to-be-true Lance.

"Laurel? What are you doing here?" She didn't know about the dinner, had he even asked anyone else? I tried to hide my smile. The smile was long lived however as he pushed himself of the limo and walked away from me to have a private convosation with her. I held my breath, didn't he know I was right here? Didn't know I needed him to live, to breath?

_He'd never tell you but he can play guitar_

I think he can see through everything

But my heart

Standing there in Oliver's jacket, Diggle's arm around me in comfort we watched Oliver and Laurel talk. I could sense Oliver's anger was getting the better of him and Oliver angry was never a good thing.

"Oliver?" I called over softly, breaking him from the anger train of thought that was building up within him.

"Can I get a lift home or are you as good at bickering as you are at playing the guitar?" I gave my mind another mental slap.

"Yeah sure, hold on" Diggle raised his eyebrow

"Oliver can play the guitar?" I smiled up at Diggle and nodded

"He was strumming A Taylor Swift song when I walked into the club early morning a couple weeks ago" Diggle glanced over Oliver trying to fathom what I had just told him.

"I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact he's good at doing something gentle like guitar playing or that despite his trip away he still knows who Taylor Swift is" I let out a small giggle. I had to agree with him, those two things spoke against almost everything you knew about Oliver's personality. But they were true, much like his ability to see through any and all lies. Well all the lies apart from those related to my feelings… seems he can't see through my heart, which gave me a very bittersweet feeling.

Eventually he left Laurel standing there and he was silent the whole car ride home, even though Thea and Roy were trying their hardest to make it seem as if nothing was wrong.

_First thought when I wake up is_

_My god he's beautiful_

Waking up the following morning was like realising a dream was over because for me, it almost came true. Dropping me off at home turned into him kissing me. Although I worried about just what the kiss meant I couldn't concentrate on anything other than how beautiful he is and how amazing it felt to have his lips on mine.

_So I put on my make up_

_And pray for a miracle_

I was just about to leave the flat for work, my make up and everything else done to my usual, almost care free ability. When there was a knock on my door. As I pulled it open I saw Oliver standing there, a fresh cut on his head and coffee for both of us in hand.

"Oliver?" I asked, praying his cut didn't have anything to do with him regretting kissing me last night.

"Felicity I—" I cut him off, taking the coffee and pulling him into the apartment. I sat him down and started tending to the wound since I'd come to the sense to keep a pretty well stocked medical kit, mostly because of the dangers I came into while working for Oliver but also because I was clumsy and a women.

"What happened?" I asked as I put the alcohol solution on his cut. He tensed but didn't flinch or make any noise.

"Laurel…" I raised my eyebrow at him, in wonder. The cut looked small compared to his usual ones but still big enough that it might need stitches.

"Laurel did this to you? I know she's trained in self defence Oliver but…" He smirked

"You don't believe she really has the heart to hit me? Oh trust me she does. She once kicked Roger Breakman so hard he flew down the corridor and landed in front of the Dean of the school. She got suspended for 2 months" That story didn't settle my worry about his injuries but it did explain something to me about Laurel Lance.

"So why did she hit you? You finally tell her your big secret?" He smiled, his hand finding my face

"No I told her we're over, for real this time. I told her that I'm in love with someone else and she's going to have to learn to accept it" Could I dare pray he was in love with me? Could I dare believe that he got hurt because of me? That he cared enough to actually endure Laurel's jealous Wrath. I don't know whether to be thankful or pissed at him.

_Yes I could tell you his favourite colour's green_

_He loves to argue oh and it kills me_

Oliver finally seemed to be taking my apartment into his view and he noticed the shades of Green around, but one thing stood out. It was a couple arrows of his criss crossed above the shelf where all my pictures stood and in the centre was the picture of Oliver, myself and Diggle at the Queen's Christmas party. I stood between them, my arms wrapped tightly around Oliver while resting my head on his shoulder while my other hand was place on Diggle's shoulder. It was the image of family

"You kept the arrows?" He must have known a couple had gone missing because he knew just how many people he's kill, the days in which he killed which number of people and all the names of the ones who could Remember. It was a burden he carried heavily but willingly.

"Well.." I shrugged "It reminds me of what and why we fight and if anyone asks about them, I just say I'm a hood fan. Nothing but the truth" Oliver smiled, his agitation taking a hit and he calmed down.

"And all the green around here?" I shrugged as if it was nothing

"Oliver I know you better than you think. I can tell you that you're favourite colours Green, you practically live by the colour" Oliver actually let out a soft laugh.

"So your painted most of your apartment green because it's my favourite colour?" I smiled softly at him

"You are a good man Oliver and the only hero I know up close. So if I need to paint my apartment green to remind myself just what I'm willing to do for that hero, then please don't try and stop me" He raised his hands, mockingly so.

"If you want to have this argument again about how I'm a hero. Then I'm happy for you to paint your apartment bright pink for all I care" I scroll at him.

"This is what I mean. You also love to argue. Anything to make me or anyone you show emotion. It's because Anger is your go to emotion Oliver. So you make them so angry that you've levelled or tipped the battlefield into your direction. It's not hard to see Oliver and it kills me to think you have to make me angry to make me be honest" He set his eyes upon me as if he'd was seeing me for the first time.

_His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes_

_And if you asked me if I love him_

_If you asked me if I love him_

_I'd lie_

It'd been 3 months since Oliver had made love to me that night saying he was waiting for someone to notice that. That he needed someone to notice that. So here I was about to make my relationship with Oliver public at Thea's 19th party. Thea and I had gotten on great once she knew I would never give up the hoods identity even if I knew it because it was not my secret to give and no amount of blackmail, manipulation or brutal honesty was going to get me to say otherwise.

Standing in the Queen's mansion another overly price dress on, feeling like the centre of everyone attention I excused myself from the group Oliver left me with and found myself in his room. Some breathing space. As I walked the familiar room I came across a picture, a picture of the original Queen family. Oliver was about 10 holding baby Thea in his lap while his parents sat happily on either side of him.

I hadn't realised it before, but Oliver had his father's eyes. The way they seemed to shine with pain and yet something in there made you want to drown in them… maybe that's what attracted Moira to Robert it in first place?

"Knock knock" I heard Thea speak. "You're meant to be downstairs being the guest of honour and yet you're up here looking at icky baby pictures" I smiled at her.

"Aren't you meant to be the guest of Honour considering it is your birthday after all? And beside I was just noticing how beautiful your family is. Then… and now" Thea smirked at me walking into the room

"Thank you. You know I'm happy Oliver found you? I'm happy he found someone who can truly love him for all his is" I sighed

"I can tell you Thea, I do love him. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know what goes on in that head of his. But if you were to ask me if I loved him… I'd lie" She looked shocked

"Why?" I sighed

"Because the second I admit that we're in that stage of our relationship I may be pushing Oliver too far too quickly. Best wait until he's ready and then I can be honest" Thea eyes threatened to shed tears and before I could register her lightening movement she was giving me a hug. A hug that said I was accepted.

I may be have to lie about the fact I love him, but it didn't mean I couldn't love being with him or his family. But most importantly it didn't meant that I didn't love him. It just meant Oliver Queen was a difficult man to love. Now if only I could stop making my life out to be yet another Taylor Swift song I might actually get through the rest of this party….


End file.
